Krishnas park like assholes.

I’m not an angry person. I’m not. But if you know me, there’s one thing in the world that I can’t stand: Parking. It’s the bane of my automotive existence. I HATE it. Especially around my house. There’s never a spot on the street and, to make the shit-uation even worse, Wednesdays and Thursdays are street cleaning days so you can’t park on half the streets from 8am to 10am, which means you have to get up early and move your car or become the owner of a bright, shiny $60 parking ticket. Nothing makes you want to punch someone’s dick off more than realizing you’ve overslept and will now be donating your hard earned money to the pay check of your local parking enforcement officer.

So, why are there so few spots around my house, you ask? Well, I live down the block from a Hare Krishna temple. So on any given day, at any given hour, they’re down there throwing some sort of smelly event that attracts peace-loving Lexus drivers by the dozens. And to make matters worse, there’s NO parking lot for that place. So, they park their multitudes of luxury sedans and shitty RV’s on the roads in the neighborhood, then reverently walk down the street to whatever crazy Maha Mantra mumbling, vegan food consuming, no shoe wearing celebration they’ve invented for that particular day. Then they proceed to hang out for hours on end, while I drive around the fucking city like a lunatic, searching for a parking spot. All the while, my rage percolates like a dry ice bomb. The worst part is that they’re so consumed with praying and being calm that they’re totally oblivious to the fact that they are generating massive waves of anger and frustration throughout the community. Ironic how their pursuit of tranquility is creating such murderous hostility.

Eventually, one of them ends up leaving, speeding off to their Bikram Yoga class or PETA rally, and I get a spot. But by then, it’s too late. The damage has been done, and I’m in hate with each and every Hari Krishna guy/family at that temple. Of course, I have to walk through their peace bonanza to get to my house. At which point, I’m inevitably asked by some bald-headed, orange toga wearing guy with a ponytail if I’d like a vegan cookie. NO! I don’t want your fucking vegan cookie! I want your parking spot, asshole! Quit celebrating peace and build a fucking parking structure. THEN I’ll have one of your cookies, because as much as I hate to admit it, they look delicious and I’m starving after hours of searching for a goddamn parking spot. And while you’re at it, what’s that mashed potato stuff I saw that kid eating? I want some of that too.

UPDATE: I know I shouldn't revel in this news, but it serves them right. The only bad thing is that now they REALLY don't have money to build a parking structure.

Comments

[Khakjaan Wessington]

Out of towners always drive like shit. Fact of Bay living.

[Javier]

Hi,

I live in Santiago, Chile next to one of these temples and I am sick of them. They make so much noise that they have become a nuisance. I have complained to the authorities, called the police and gone over to tell them to hold their noise down. Really annoying buggers. I am documenting this on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFXaPxnPtfw

and here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd8FOE1T4IY

I am making a big deal of this because they should not be in residential neighborhoods.

Thanks for posting your article!

Javier